Spores of Change
by Goomba King
Summary: A Dark Sci-Fi reimagining of the Super Mario universe. Two confused Brooklynites and a sheltered Princess try to save a world they don't understand, and end up confronting their own inner demons.
1. Prologue

_Disclaimer!_

The views of the Characters in this story are entirely their own, and are not endorsed or condoned by the Author in any way. This story takes place in a world like ours, where racism is an unfortunate reality, and the demonization and dehumanization of political or economic rivals is one of the central motifs of this work. Be prepared for characters to say and do things which you may find shocking or inflammatory.

_**Prologue**_

_Why do all of my best clients choose such lousy times to call the plumber?_ _I mean, who breaks their toilet at four in the morning on a Saturday anyhow? Do you think we're just sitting around day and night waiting for you to call about your clogged drain?_

As I continued my internal rant, the light turned green. I pushed the accelerator to the floor, and for an agonizing quarter of a second, the engine was quiet. But soon enough I felt that familiar rumble as the engine roared to life and the old panel van flew down the deserted streets, like a comically oversized bullet.

_ If it wasn't for Pauline kicking me out of the apartment, I wouldn't even be driving around Brooklyn at night. It's safer than it used to be, but I still wouldn't want to be caught out on Myrtle at this time of night even if there were other drivers out._

Pauline… It had all gone so fast, I could barely remember what had happened. One day I was running my fingers through her smooth brown hair, telling her everything would be okay, and the next day that fucking gorilla was throwing my suitcases down the stairs. "Kong"I said softly, easing off the gas.

Jean-Baptiste 'Cranky' Kong, that was his name. Six foot four and almost three hundred pounds; he had the look of someone trying to work out a complex problem in his head and getting nowhere fast, but he had a right hook like being kicked by a donkey. After he killed that Russian they wouldn't let him fight, but the way he acted, you had to wonder if he knew he wasn't in the ring.

"What the hell does she see in him?" I mumbled to myself as I passed my turn. Looking around for cops, I hung a sharp U-turn, the screeching tires driving the thoughts of Pauline and Kong from my mind. I pulled to a stop outside of the apartment; someone had taken my spot, but they wouldn't do it again soon. With some clever positioning, I made sure they were wedged between the curb and my side bumper.

_So what if I get a fucking ticket? He took MY spot; it's even got my NAME on it! IF I don't at least get that, what the fuck am I paying for; some rat trap with three rooms, no oven, and holes in the walls?_

I looked back at the van as I got up to the door buzzer; the van was a piece of shit, but the decal still looked like the day I had it printed up. Taking up almost the whole length of the van, right at eye level, L&M Plumbing offered low rates and quality service, with a phone number and even our own website.

_ Give me ONE other plumber in this town smart enough to design a website as nice as ours, just one. One in a million my brother, one in a freaking million._

I cleared my throat, climbed the last step, and hit the buzzer for 5-a.

"Who is it?" a tired voice asked after a long pause.

"It's-a-me, Mario. Now buzz me the fuck in."


	2. Chapter 1

Disclaimer!

The views of the Characters in this story are entirely their own, and are not endorsed or condoned by the Author in any way. This story takes place in a world like ours, where racism is an unfortunate reality, and the demonization and dehumanization of political or economic rivals is one of the central motifs of this work. Be prepared for characters to say and do things which you may find shocking or inflammatory.

_**Chapter 1**_

As I lay in bed, pillow wrapped tightly around my head, desperately trying not to hear the phone ringing, I couldn't help thinking about what a bad idea 24-hour plumbing was.

_I __told__ Luigi, but nooo, "We need a gimmick" he says, "Business is down, we need all the work we can get" he says. What's the point of working yourself to death for a few hundred bucks here or there; the whole damn country's gonna be underwater in ten years anyhow. Fucking liberal motherfucking bailout, this shit wouldn't happen in the good old days. Men were men, and we worked like men, not like fucking dogs._

"Mario, it's for you, you dumb WOP!"

_Freaking Liberals man, they just get under your skin._

"Okay, okay, what fucking time is it?" I yelled back sleepily. "I miss breakfast?"

"Breakfast! It's practically dinner! And answer the phone or you'll miss-a that too!"

Finally, a threat I couldn't refuse. I brushed the sleep out of my eyes and picked up my phone, glancing at the time.

_Three in the afternoon, dinner my ass…._

"Hello? Yes this is Mario, how can I help you?" The voice on the other end was a bit fuzzy, and he had a weird way of speaking.

_Maybe he's some kind of chink, we've got enough, maybe one of them learned to use a bathtub._

"You want me to come right up to the docks? What kind of plumbing can I do out there, there aren't even any houses!"

_On second thought he sounded more like some kind of Eastern European. Maybe this was a mafia thing? I mean, why would anyone call a plumber out to the docks anyhow?_

"Mario! Play nice with-a the customers! Jeez..."

_Of course Luigi wants me to do it, no surprise there. Well, the guy says it's some kind of city-thing, need someone to check out an old building, shut off an illegal connection to a water main, or something. Man, Municipal work! That's the kind of shit that would put us on the map. Those fucking sanitation department people don't know anything, of course their going to have to get one of us private sector guys to wipe the drool off their faces._

I copied the address down feverishly, thanking the strange little man on the phone. "You can count on me sir, yes sir… I'll be right there sir, okay, okay… Sir, I have to go now sir, goodbye."

"Well, you get-a the job?" Luigi asked, flopping down on the couch and flipping on the TV.

"Get the job? Luigi, this guy is from the Sanitation Department, he says there's some kind of a, I dunno, a pipe some asshole used to steal from the water main. Luigi this is it! He says they're looking at maybe twenty, thirty thousand just to shut off a freaking pipe Luigi!" As I talked, I saw that he didn't share my enthusiasm.

_ Freaking typical, I get the big job that saves our asses and he's going to fucking nitpick. _

_ Jealous bastard._

"I don't a-know, this sounds pretty fishy bro. I don't want-a you to go over there until I check-a this out." The look on his face was serious, like he was trying to work with one of his spreadsheets or something.

"What the hell? You think I dented some garbage truck, and now they put a hit out on me? Relax; I'll be back in a half an hour, three tops." I said, grabbing my outfit off the edge of the bed.

"Look, that's-a just it. The Department of Sanitation doesn't have anything-a to do with the water mains! That's Department of Public Works, and the water company. Just give me a few minutes, I've got a friend, went to City Tech with me, works on that kind of stuff. Let-a me see if it's legit."

_Fucking City Tech. He thinks just 'cause he's got a four-year degree, he's such hot shit._

"Look, the building's right under the expressway, it's the middle of the day. Nobody's gonna pull anything." I had pulled on my shirt and overalls, all I needed way my hat and keys and I could be out of this conversation. "I'll pick you up a Stromboli or something, and we'll laugh about this in a few hours, okay." I made a move for the door.

Luigi stopped me before I had got one foot in the hallway. "Okay bro, but listen, just be careful. You see anything, you get out-a there okay bro? Promise me you'll keep your feet on the ground okay."

"I'll call you when I'm done, I promise." I pushed my way past him, and ran down the hall to the elevator. "See you later, I swear!" I yelled as I hopped in and hit Lobby. As soon as the doors slid shut, I let out my breath and slumped on the wall behind me.

_Jesus Christ what a fucking buzzkill. But he'll see I was right. Once I do this job, we'll be free and clear; we can pay off our loans and be free men, working for ourselves, not some banker or union flunky. _

As I walked to van and started the engine, my mind was filled with visions of upscale West-side apartments, a real office, and a comely secretary.

_Maybe I should stick to Blondes, Brunettes and Redheads are just too crazy, I need a nice traditional girl, get my mind straight._

But before I was halfway there, Luigi's warning pushed all of the Blondes and bodegas out of my mind._ "_It's just like the plumber's outfits," I said to no one in particular, "he'll see he was just being an idiot in the end."

_I worked my ass off designing those outfits; you'd think it would be easy to find a couple of long-sleeved Red and Green shirts, but noo, that'd be waay too easy. And when I showed him, he looked at me like I was some kind of fucking queer, ungrateful motherfucker. Those fucking hats alone were such a freaking hassle, but it was worth it just to see the look on his face when we started getting calls again…_

It was true, in the two years me and my brother ran that business, neither of us had paid our rents on time until we started wearing the outfits. Something about it just made us more memorable, more unique.

"_Plus, no one has to look at your fat ass anymore."_

I remembered Luigi's playful jabs, the way he looked when our finances went from red to black. When we made enough to get the bank off our backs, he finally started sleeping and got those bags out from under his eyes. It was like he had been given a second chance, a shot to make things right with Dad again.

_Typical Luigi, once I got it through his head that it was a good idea, he took it farther than I would have ever thought. Before I could say "I told you so", we each had a drawer full of blue overalls and a pair of white Mickey-Mouse gloves, and he was asking me for a new decal for the van. Jesus, Mary and Joseph, it took me the better part of a month to get those first two uniforms together, how in the name of God did he manage to get all that stuff so quickly? _

I laughed to myself as I pulled into the lot.

_Maybe he just wanted it more. It never sat right with him what happened to Pops._

Our father had raised us right; two good old-fashioned Brooklyn kids, we went to school five days a week and Church every Sunday. We managed to stay out of trouble; mostly anyways. Luigi even got a scholarship to get into a fancy school. We had big dreams, wanted to be something. But when Dad died, we knew what we had to do.

_It was only right_, I thought, looking around the place for another car. _We'd make him proud, be the best Plumbers in Brooklyn, start something real with his name on it, a fucking eternal flame in the cup of a plunger._

I shook the stray thoughts out of my head, as I realized there was no one else here.

* * *

I gave the scene a second look-over; nothing unusual for this area, just a squat little cement building, some kind of warehouse was my bet at the time, maybe one or two stories off the ground, probably half that much below. The lot surrounding the building was cracked and uneven, but no potholes; just the usual sign of heavy trucks. A dull yellow monster of a forklift laying quietly in the corner, and the loading dock on the left side of the building told me what I already knew; this was where the smaller ships coming in unloaded their cargo, the building being a convenient spot to keep it out of the rain until the panel trucks came to pick it up. The building looked like it had seen better days though; there was graffiti covering most of the outsides, gang-stuff I guess, and a few broken brown bottles near the doors showed what kind of people used the place now.

For a second, I thought about the promise I made to Luigi, that maybe I should just get back in the car and go home, play it safe.

_Fuck that. He's probably just getting his rod polished, be down here in another fifteen minutes, tops. _

I pulled out my phone, dialed the number sanitation-guy gave me. No dice.

_Whatever, he'll get here when he feels like it; I'll just look around, and see if I can't find out what I'm dealing with._ _That'd be freaking impressing; he shows up, I'm sittin' here holding my bill. Man I love easy money._

I pulled my flashlight and a box of tools off the passenger seat, hopped out of the van, and walked over to the main door. Lucky for me, some punk had already busted the padlock off the door, and whatever genius owned this place had clearly never heard of a deadbolt.

_Dumbass, you freaking deserve to get robbed. Who in their right minds doesn't even have a security camera up? Jeez, I bet there's a hundred grand worth of fucking Beanie-babies lying around in here any day of the goddamn week, and this bozo just lets everyone and their uncle walk in. I bet it's a union thing._

But as I opened the door, I saw that the warehouse was empty, whatever purpose it had served long over. All that was left were a few broken crates, contents gone, with a thick layer of dust over that for good measure. I walked through the doorway, and stopped dead in my tracks.

"What the fuck is that?"

It was like no pipe I had ever seen, not in five years of plumbing. The huge green pipe jutted straight out of the ground, looking almost like it had pushed the concrete aside like the sprout of an enormous plant. It was perfectly smooth, no flow-meters no branching pipes or other signs it served any purpose at all, its wide lip noticeably devoid of holes for nuts and bolts to attach it to a connecting piece. It was the sort of thing a child might draw, but here it sat, its wide mouth open like an invitation. Almost in a trance, I walked to the center of the room, determined to figure out what purpose something like this could serve.

Yet the Pipe defied examination; even standing next to it, there were no signs of who made it, or why. Just a green pipe, almost as tall as I am, and wide enough around to be a water main all by itself, it stood, beckoning me to look in and discover it's secrets. I dropped my toolbox, and put my flashlight into my back pocket, and tried to put my head over the edge. As my weight shifted, and I thought I could almost see into it, I felt my hands slip and I fell down into the blackness.

* * *

I rose, groggy and confused, my head aching with no idea what was going on.

_Man, anyone get the number on that truck? _

This wasn't my first time dealing with a hangover, but I had to say so far this was the worst.

_Okay Mario, pick yourself up, where the hell are you, and how did you get here?_

That was a good question. I was outside, the Sun in my eyes and the grass I was laying on told me that much. As I dusted myself off, and stood up, I felt the cool summer breeze on my skin.

_No way this is fucking Brooklyn, am I in Central Park?_ _Did I pass out in a park? No, that's not it; I'm wearing my work outfit. Why am I dressed for work? Fuck, Pauline's gonna fucking murder me when I get home..._

I brushed the sun out of my eyes and listened for traffic, people talking, anything to give me my bearings, jump-start my memory. Feeling something in my back pocket, I pulled out my flashlight, and as soon as I saw the smashed bulb I remembered exactly what happened; the call, going to the building, the Pipe.

"Holy Fucking Shit…"

I was standing on a tall hill, at least as tall as a two-story building, looking out into a rolling valley which seemed to go on forever. As I watched, I began to see that the pattern of Greens, Browns and Yellows were the colors of fields, each one sealed off from its neighbor by a tall hedge or row of trees. I focused, seeing dozens of small tan stucco cottages, with round pastel colored tile roofs jutting out over the edges of the buildings, small spirals of smoke drifting lazily from their chimneys. Every mile or so a windmill stood, turning slowly in the breeze.

Further out, the fields grew smaller and the farmhouses closer together and larger, until they became a solid block of houses pressed against the tan sandstone walls of a city, the few winding roads leading to a pair of huge gates set into the wall. As I looked at the gate towers and across the walls, I saw that the town extended far beyond the walls, extending back and around, the central feature a huge pink and tan castle, stretching upwards into the sky, it's central tower cutting the horizon like a knife.

Needless to say, this was not Brooklyn Heights.


	3. Chapter 2

Disclaimer!

The views of the Characters in this story are entirely their own, and are not endorsed or condoned by the Author in any way. This story takes place in a world like ours, where racism is an unfortunate reality, and the demonization and dehumanization of political or economic rivals is one of the central motifs of this work. Be prepared for characters to say and do things which you may find shocking or inflammatory.

_**Chapter 2**_

For the first fifteen minutes I just sat there looking out over the valley, too shocked to think. After that I tried everything I had ever heard of to wake up, and maybe more. Finally, as my stomach started to growl, and I admitted that this dream (if it was a dream) wasn't going to end anytime soon, I realized I had a choice to make; to explore this world and see what I could find, or leave the way I came.

_I go out-a there, it could be fuckin' anything. I might get attacked by a dragon, or some shit. Mario the Plumber, 27 years old, eaten by a fucking dragon. And what if they don't-a speak English? What the fuck am I supposed to-a do then? And how am I supposed to remember where this freaking pipe is, all these fucking hills look the fucking same! I should fucking just leave, this is just too much…_

But in my heart, I already knew which choice I would make. After all, it was a choice I had waited for my entire life; the chance to be a hero.

_ Fuck it. I'm walking down there, and seeing what the fuck is going on down there. After all, I can-a always just come back, right? This Pipe isn't-a going anywhere._

With that, I started walking down the hill, being careful to find land-marks so that I could remember where the Pipe was, and come back later. I walked for hours, going through field after field, careful to keep out of view of the Farmhouses as I went by. But it was difficult, as every mile I went, I found another strange surprise.

For one thing, the houses themselves were strange; they looked like giant mushrooms pushing out of the ground, with that same lack of tool-marks or discrete parts that made the Pipe so otherworldly. For another, while I couldn't quite be sure, I felt like some of the trees, rocks, even low-flying clouds were watching me; every once in a while I could swear that I saw eyes quickly shut. But the strangest was yet to come.

As I passed one of the Farmhouses fairly close to the city, I felt confident enough to sneak up and steal a carrot to eat; no big deal, there were more than enough for whoever lived here, and from the looks of it one good tug would be enough to pull it to the surface. But just as I was about to edge out from my hiding spot behind a tree, the door opened, and two little…creatures… came out.

They had peachy pink skin, huge black eyes with tiny white pupils, no obvious noses, and most bizarrely, huge white mushroom caps on the tops of their cylindrical heads. The creatures were only a few feet tall, and their high-pitched voices and playful attitude showed they were the children of the species. Each of them had a ring of large circular dots on their caps, one of them red and another blue, but whether they were natural, or artificial like the simple cotton clothes they wore, I had no idea. Only barely suppressing a yell, I managed to slump down against the tree trunk quietly, building up the courage to look again.

As I looked out, I saw, or rather heard, another one of them come to the door. This one was larger, an adult as far as I could judge, with an apron on, green spots, and a stern look on its face. Although it was hard to tell, the way it carried itself was clearly female, and I waited anxiously to see what would happen next. The creature opened her mouth and said in a sweet motherly voice "Come back here this instant and eat your dinner you two, I swear your acting like little Goombas!" Once again, I had to hold my hand over my mouth just to stay quiet until they returned to their cottage and shut the door.

My mind reeling, I tried to make sense of what I had seen.

_So, they-a speak English. That's a start I guess. Maybe they're okay, they'd give me something to-a eat. No, they'd-a probably think I was some fucking alien, it's-a better if I just go to the Town, where I can find a human who knows what's-a going on here. _

Still, it took a few minutes to convince my legs to keep moving, and I was even more wary of watching eyes than I was before. It took me another hour just to get within sight of a road, which I could only assume led to the town.

I walked down the road now, ducking into the ditches on the sides whenever I saw anything moving on the road in front of or behind me. As the sun got higher in the sky, and I only nearly dodged a group of red-spotted Mushroom Creatures with walking along towards the city, I realized that my work uniform, with its red sleeves and blue overalls made of heavy cloth, was the worst possible outfit I could have worn; I was as hot as sin, and stuck out even among the garish crops which lined the road.

_Fucking outfit, why couldn't I have just worn a T-shirt? Why do-a I always make everything so fucking hard? Fuck I'm so god-damned hungry... _

But, unlikely as it seemed, I neared the gate, and was preparing myself to jump out of the bushes and walk up, when I saw a bizarre sight. A group of Mushroom Creatures with solid brown caps and downtrodden expressions were walking, chained together at the ankles and wrists, led by a dozen red-and-tan Mushroom Creatures wearing uniform gold-trimmed blue vests and white shorts, carrying spears and polished shields. Even at three-foot-nothing, they didn't look like people you wanted to fuck with.

As they approached the gate, the lead soldier showed something to one of the guards, and they opened the gate to let them in.

'_Well, now or never'_ I thought, stepping out of the brush and walking towards the gate, hands up. The prisoner convoy stopped dead as guard and prisoner alike stared at me in awe and confusion. Waling as close as I would dare to the door, I said five words I never could have imagined coming out of my mouth.

"Take-a me to your leader."

* * *

When Minister Toadsworth summoned me from my chambers, I almost thought I would faint with fright. While a generally reliable Toad, he had that particular combination of the flair for the dramatic and a lack of common sense which seemed to be almost a prerequisite for Court work.

Just a few minutes prior, when I was resting my feet after a particularly demanding game of tennis, he erupted through the door shrieking about an Alien coming to Court. When I regained consciousness, having fainted most dreadfully, I immediately chastised him for his inappropriate jests.

"Minister, I am shocked and appalled, Sir that you would make such a crude joke; there hasn't been an Alien in the court since my father was coronated, and it was tremendously rude of you to startle me in this way, especially given my recent exertions. I will report this behavior to my father unless you can explain yourself at once." I answered tersely.

"But…. Your majesty, an Alien was sighted this afternoon, almost three hours ago now, and has been supping at the Club 64, under Royal Guard of course, and is coming to Court within the hour! My apologies if I alarmed you, but this is a momentous occurrence, and necessitates haste on our parts if we wish to be present before King Toadstool when the Alien arrives."

I noticed the minister had calmed significantly, but was still much too eager to return to his previous hysterics.

_I must take control of this situation, before this fever is allowed to spread through the court, and Father is forced to take action to restrain them._

"Calm yourself, Minister. I was wrong to snap at you, if what you say is indeed accurate, it is essential that we be present at court. However, we must work to maintain decorum, so that we do not show weakness or division before the King, which would weaken him in his ability to negotiate with the Creature." I said in a calm but commanding tone I had often heard my father use when confronted by those whose lower emotions had conquered their reason.

"Princess Peach, your council on these matters is wise and true as always" the nervous Toad said as he brushed his beard back into place and straightened his jacket. "I will be ready outside of your Chambers to escort you to the Throne room, at your pleasure." He exited the room, and I allowed myself a brief moment of discomposure before I readied myself for the daunting task of holding court at my father's side.

_If this is true, could this mean the dark days of the Shroob have returned? Is our Kingdom destined to be assaulted by extraterrestrials? I suppose some might see it a compliment that in All Worlds we are so popular, yet I cannot see it so, as these intrusions have cost our poor people so much in the past._

I smoothed my dress out carefully and took a minute to observe myself in the mirror. Certainly, I was a singular specimen; while I had the Peachey skin which my father's people are known for, my flowing blonde hair, and not unimpressive bosoms, displayed my mother's Human heritage fairly elegantly. While I was not wearing my best dress, I knew this pink lace composition would be suitable for court, especially on such short notice. Carefully, I placed my tiara on my head, and having checked myself one final time in the mirror, headed off to court with Minister Toadsworth.

* * *

As we walked to the Throne-room, Toadsworth was careful to explain to me the nature of the Alien in most exacting detail.

"He appears, with all due respect, to be of a similar construction to yourself, although we are certain he is not of this world, he appears to have little in common with Toads or other Mushroom Folk, and much more of a Human appearance. He is approximately 16 hands tall, and appears to be about 10 stone in weight, with an obscene growth of hair under the nose which resembles a moustache, but may be whiskers, furthermore on the subject of his eating habits…"

As Toadsworth continued, I considered my likely role in court lately.

_While I do have some not insignificant influence as the Princess of this realm, and because of my popularity among the people, the Council of Retainers still do not respect me. Perhaps it is because they cannot imagine themselves being ruled by a woman, as if they expect my father to simply continue to Reign forever! _

_ 'Or perhaps'_ I thought dejectedly _'they believe I am too weak of mind and body to rule, that I have too little experience in the world.' And yet that is a condition they have themselves imposed, by forbidding me to walk freely among the people, out of some deranged and unhealthy obsession with my safety, as if any would knowingly attack a royal! _

_ I must attempt to use this event to my advantage; if I can make some useful suggestion, perhaps the court will see some value in me as a ruler, and not merely some dainty treasure to be married off in exchange for political favors._

But before I could continue on this train of thought, or Toadsworth could expound on another aspect of the Alien's likely skeletal structure, I found myself in the Throne-room and assumed my seat on my Father's Dexterous side, forgoing my usual greeting as he was busy in conversation with the Chancellor on his Sinister. I did not have to wait long, however; the heralds' trumpets silenced even my father as the door swung open, revealing the Alien creature. I had to suppress a laugh at his appearance.

He was indeed human in appearance, of the dimensions provided by the ever-exacting Toadsworth, but stouter and shorter than I had pictured for an alien. He was garbed in red, with blue worker's clothes over his tunic, and while he had a cap he had wisely removed it before entering my Father's presence. His hair was black and slick, but had gentle curls almost like my own, although wilder and less tamed. His moustache was of a similar type; a huge black tangle under a protruding nose. While his arms and legs were powerful and muscled, and I saw the manly countenance of a warrior about him, he was in awe; clearly unused to dealing with the royalty.

There was silence for some time, as my Father waited patiently for him to speak his greetings, but it soon became apparent that the creature was waiting for exactly the same thing. Finally, the King broke convention, and addressed the alien directly.

"Being from another world, I King Toadstool of the Toadstool Dynasty of the Mushroom Kingdom, ask that you reveal to us your name and your intentions; have you, in your long travels, come to this great nation on a mission of Love or Chaos?"

Although he looked imposing, wearing his most warlike mink cloak, and holding the full Regalia of his office, I saw the sweat on my father's brow; the fate of the Kingdom had been wrenched from him, everything now depended on the trespasser's response.

"My… My name is Mario, and…uh… I… I come in Peace."

A visible sigh of relief rippled through the assembled Retainers, and even the ever-vigilant Royal Guardsmen could be seen to bow their heads in acknowledgement of the tragedy narrowly avoided. Still, my Father was insistent.

"You say you come in peace, yet of you and your people we know nothing. If you truly have no warlike intentions, share with us your nature and your desires and we will ourselves judge if you speak truly."

"I am… a Plumber, from the city of Brooklyn in the land of America. I never wished to come here, your majesty, but I… I had an accident and would like your permission to leave and return to my home."

_Plumber, what an odd name for a race, but I suppose that we Toads and Humans must have strange names by his tongue. What an odd coincidence that we share a common language, however mangled his speech is. _Or _perhaps it is no accident, but rather a ruse by which his people may subjugate our own, his speech and appearance changed to seem so manly and attractive to our ears..._

As I thought of these things, I noticed that while the Plumber's eyes scanned the Court, they seemed to linger on my own, and he smiled nervously, making it impossible not to reciprocate, with the odd relatedness of our mortal frames and the ridiculousness of our positions suddenly made embarrassingly apparent. Stifling a blush, I looked away, and saw my Father in an animated discussion with the Chancellor, from which he soon exited to their mutual displeasure.

"Mario of Brooklyn, what of our people do you now know? What do you think of our great city and our people?" My father thundered warmly.

_A false warmth, a dagger concealed in velvet. His response will tell much; if he does not answer, he is a spy, but has not the sense to conceal it. If he answers in falsehoods, he will show that he is a dangerous opponent, and his intentions are truly sinister. And if he speaks truthfully, he knows not enough to be an agent of his people, but may yet know enough of our weaknesses to pose some danger if released. _

As usual, my Father had, with a simple turn of phrase, put this creature in a crucible, where his own words would be his making or unmaking.

The Plumber seemed lost in thought, but then quickly blurted out "I know that this is Toad Town, and it's the capital of the Mushroom Kingdom. Your people are Toads, but most of the kingdom's Goombas, a bunch of stupid bast… mushroom people … who do the shit work. You use gold for money, and … it's a really nice city, no you're right a Great city. Maybe I can come back some time, but I've really got to go, my brother's going to go ape…"

My hopes shattered, even before I had identified them, with this simple admission; he was no spy, but knew far too much to be allowed to leave. For a second, I felt anger at my father, for condemning this man to certain imprisonment, but then regained my senses, and considered my fortune.

_If he is to remain here, perhaps I may make_ _a request that I may teach him etiquette, and we could play tennis, and maybe…_

My thoughts were cut off even as the Plumber still spoke.

"Enough" My father bellowed. "It is clear you speak truly of your intentions," at this the Plumber's face rose, only to fall again as my father continued "yet you know too much of the Kingdom and our affairs to be allowed to leave. You will be treated well, of course, as befits a prisoner of your status." The plumber's expression changed to one of horror, his eyes searching for allies among the raised dais where we sat, finally meeting mine.

_I cannot allow this to continue. His face is so pathetic… _

"Your Majesty, if I may speak…" I began to address the King, even before I realized what I was doing, "can the Plumbers of Brooklyn be relied upon as allies if we treat them as enemies? Perhaps we can compromise; while this man cannot be allowed to return indefinitely to his people, if we allow him one week, with a promise to return here on the seventh day, to set his affairs in order and make a sacred vow to speak not of our people, and to fulfill his other promises to us, with our most powerful spells so he would die from his own treachery."

The court went deadly silent, as the implications of my statement penetrated the assembly.

_He clearly has little understanding of our realm and our capabilities, so both his honor and his fear of our mystical retribution will compel him to return, and he may not reveal our secrets even while satisfying his desire to return home. Still, if this gambit is unsuccessful, my standing in the court would be less than the lowest minister; everything revolves around my Father accepting the ruse._

My father thought, brows furrowed, for what seemed like hours before speaking again. Fixing the Plumber in his most fearsome glare, he spoke ominously, staring alternately at me and the alien.

"Mario of Brooklyn, would you accept this Geas, with the mystical power invested in me as the King of all of the Mushroom Kingdom enforcing your promises to return, and to reveal to no one your experiences here, forfeiting your life if you should break them?"

"y-y-yes. Yes, Sir, Your Majesty, I will accept this-a promise" The Plumber babbled, betraying both his fear and ignorance. Again, the court was relieved. The King could keep this creature under his control, while not sacrificing our relationship with an ally from beyond our world.

Father looked down at the alien, and solemnly said "Then by my power as King of the Mushroom Kingdom, and liege-lord to its people, I bind you to return here in seven days, on pain of death, and to speak of our Kingdom to no one, lest that terrible fate befall you. Leave now, and return, or die."

The Plumber bowed, gave his thanks, and left, nearly running through the gates. I let out a sigh of relief and regret, having staked my position and that of my kingdom.

_Fly, brave Plumber, and return here, or my honor is for nothing._


	4. Chapter 3

Disclaimer!

The views of the Characters in this story are entirely their own, and are not endorsed or condoned by the Author in any way. This story takes place in a world like ours, where racism is an unfortunate reality, and the demonization and dehumanization of political or economic rivals is one of the central motifs of this work. Be prepared for characters to say and do things which you may find shocking or inflammatory.

_**Chapter 3**_

As I pulled myself up off the dusty floor of the warehouse, I felt like my head was splitting open, bursting from the inside out. I tried to stand, but fell back down on all fours, puking my guts out; there wasn't much, I hadn't eaten much in the last day and a half, and even then nothing substantial. I wiped my mouth with the back of my gloved hand, and I thought about the last three days.

_Fuck, what the fuck happened in there?_

_ I never should have fucking went to the town._ I thought wearily. _What the fuck was I thinking, they were going to throw me a damn parade? I'm just lucky I didn't end up on some table, getting cut up by freaking Mushrooms! _

I threw up again, now little more than dry retching. My stomach hurt like I'd volunteered as Kong's punching bag again, and I still couldn't even feel my feet, not since the second day, and I had been too afraid even then of what I might find if I took off my shoes.

_Three fucking days… _

I tried hard to remember exactly what happened, but my skull was trying to push its way out of my head, and it was just coming back in flashes, like a bad dream.

_The Pipe….the town, I…I went to a restaurant, or a bar…Ow... oh God my HEAD! _

A bolt of pain shot up my spine and into my arms and skull, knocking me to the floor and my own vomit.

_I saw a, a king? And She was there… and they put a spell on me, and I was running, and running, and I was so hungry and tired and I had to keep running, and ohmygod my fucking head hurts so much. How could something like this happen? Did it happen? Was it all a dream or…_

_ Mushrooms… _

A sudden clarity, the kind of mental focus I hadn't had in days, ever since I walked into that throne-room.

_Maybe, maybe none of this is real, I just tripped and hit my head, and maybe this is all some kind of crack-dream or something. I'll get up, and walk to the van, and it won't have been more than an hour. _

But even as I thought it, the conversation with the bartender in the restaurant, _Club 64, that's what they called it_, drifted back into my mind. Talk of Toads and Goombas and Koopas and Mushroom Tea.

_How could I dream something like this up? It doesn't make sense, I've gotta call Luigi, Luigi'll know what's up; he was always the smart one._

With great effort, I rolled onto my side and took my cell phone out of my pocket, slowly and painfully, and flipped it open. No bars; the building ('_Or maybe the fucking pipe'_, I thought later, in a more lucid moment) was blocking my signal; I had to get outside. I tried to stand up again, bracing myself against the smooth surface of the Pipe, but my knees were too weak to hold me, I would have to crawl. I don't know how long it took, or even if I was conscious the whole time, but I was finally able to pull myself out to the van, and up into the passenger's seat.

_Why's my door open? I always shut my fucking door?_

But I had no time for that; I could tell from the way my vision was blurred and out of focus that I only had a few seconds of consciousness left. I pulled my phone out of my pocket, dialing Luigi's number with slow, trembling fingers, praying I had hit the right buttons.

"Hello! Mario, is it-a really you! Mario are you okay?"

I mumbled something back to him; he said later it was the address I had gotten from the man on the phone, but I still can't remember. The only thing I remember is a spot of shining gold on the floor of the van, next to my keys and the other contents of my pockets, spilled when I pulled my cell out of my ruined overalls. A gold coin, with a single vertical line carved into the center: the unmistakable shape of the number 1.

"It wasn't a dream Luigi….it was real."

* * *

_Mario, what-a am I ever gonna do with you? You spend your whole life fighting; fighting me, fighting pops, fighting with the whole world, and you're surprised you have enemies? You shouldn't be here Mario, this world's too messed up, too complicated. You act like it was a comic book, or an Arrow Flynn movie; always jumping at the chance to save the day, always expecting to get the girl in the end. And sometimes when you jump, when you really leap, for a second you have me fooled too; that this time it'll be different, that this time you'll touch the sky, but still land on your feet. Well bro, you got-a me this time._

_ When you left, I was a-worried because I knew what kind of sick fucks live out-a there, in the real world, because I live there too. But you showed me your world, and in my heart, I guess I wanted to believe that you could get the job, save-a the day, make pops proud. But now you're lying on my couch covered in blood and sweat and god-knows-a-what, and muttering about some craziness, and I'm-a just glad you're alive. Mario, what the hell happened to you?_

_ You run out-a the door, tilting after another damn windmill, and then you-a drop off the face of the earth for two and a half days. I waited Mario, I waited for hours, and called you I-don't-know how many-a times, but you didn't pick up, Mario. And when I went-a to the address, you were gone, and the van too, and no one had seen you. I called-a the cops, but they just asked me where-a your girlfriend lived, stupid mother-a-fuckers. And then you show up, at one in the morning lying in the van like you'd-a never left, except where somebody worked you over. What kind of sick bastard would-a do this to someone?_

_ Your feet, Mario, why-a your feet? If I hadn't worked for Amnesty International, I'd-a say you'd been running for days, but where? You've barely eaten, you're dehydrated, and you're-a saying the craziest nonsense I've-a ever heard. Mario, what the hell happened to you?_

* * *

"Mario, make some sense. It took you two days before you could say a word, Mario, and your feet, they're still raw, and you-a want me to come with you, go back to that place? Mario, you lost almost ten pounds in three nights and two days, what are-a we gonna do if the people who did this to you are still there? Huh, what-a are we gonna do then?"

_ Why do I even bother. I pick him up, patch him together, and he just runs off without another word. I shouldn't be surprised, he's-a always been the hero. I'm-a just a sidekick._

My brother looked at me, and then at the clock, like he was trying to catch a bus, with an expression I only ever saw him wear when he thought I was being unreasonable.

_ Unreasonable like-a getting yourself caught and beaten by the mob unreasonable, or maybe I'm-a just some special brand of stupid that thinks that was a bad idea? _

"Look, Luigi, you know I don't ask for much. I know I can be an idiot, I know going there in the first place was a bad idea, but Luigi, I found something! Something real, something life-changing out there, and I want you to be a part of it. This is el-dorado big, Luigi, like…fuck, I don't know, like the lost fucking ark. You get it? You get what I'm saying?"

_ Yeah, you're saying you need your head examined._

"Mario, sit down, what the hell did I tell you; at least wear the shoes I got you if you're gonna pace like-a that, protect your soles. And look, I don't care about money right now, I wanna make dad's dream real, just-a like you, but..."

"Fuck the company! I'm not talking about the fucking company, Jesus, listen to me! See this! This is the proof Luigi! It was real, and I'm gonna take you there to prove it!" He flashed to coin again, in the same insistent tone he had used ever since I made the mistake of telling him what day it was this morning.

_ What's real, Mario? What the hell are you-a talking about? Why won't-a you just explain what you mean, why're you being-a so god-damned cryptic?_

_ Well, maybe if I play-a his game, I can-a figure out what the hell happened to him. Who the hell knows what's-a going on in his head, maybe he just wants to show me where they took him._

"Okay Mario, you win, we'll get in our uniforms and bring the van out to the pier, but I'm calling Jimmy and telling him to call the freaking cops if we don't show up to poker tomorrow night, okay?" Mario's face brightened, like an inmate told he'd just gotten a pardon.

"But first we're going to eat dinner, no more talk about this until seven, ok? Just a regular dinner, like old times. Some spaghetti, cooked up Mama Luigi style, okay? Then we go."

He opened his mouth like he was going to argue, but thought better and closed it again.

"Good, where's the parmesan? I'm freaking starving."

* * *

"Okay, Luigi, just remember what I told you, go feet first. Got that?"

Mario was telling me something, but I could barely hear him over my own thoughts.

_ What the hell is that thing? It doesn't-a look like anything I've ever seen._

I was standing in an abandoned warehouse, staring at a shiny green pipe jutting a full five and a half feet out of the concrete floor, too wide to be an air vent or electrical tubing, and too gaudy and cartoony to be a sewer pipe or a water main. Mario's toolbox sat next to it, patiently; wherever he'd been the last week, this was definitely where he started.

"Okay, well here goes nothing. Follow my lead, okay?" Without any warning, Mario sprinted up the Pipe like a madman, hopped up on the rim, and jumped down, feet first. I ran to try and stop him, grab his leg, but it was too late; he had always been the faster brother. I don't remember exactly what went through my mind just then, but I do remember what I did.

First I ran to the pipe, jumped up and stared into the darkness on the other side, my brother's name on my lips, and then I was falling into the abyss.

* * *

"Luigi. Luigi! Are you okay, wake up. Jeez, I told you to jump feet-first, now look at this. Come-on, that's it easy does it, let's just get you sitting up now. There you go, how do you like the view?"

I shouldn't have enjoyed it so much, rubbing the Mushroom Kingdom in Luigi's face like that, but it just felt right, like planting the flag on Krakatoa or whatever. I hadn't been able to say anything before partly because of the curse, but also because even I'd think I was crazy, if I hadn't seen it myself.

For a minute, after he realized what he was seeing, he looked at me, just looked at me like he wasn't sure if I was real. I nodded, and he looked back out over the horizon.

"Jesus, Mario. Where the hell are we?" He said finally.

"Home, Luigi, we're home."


	5. Chapter 4

Disclaimer!

The views of the Characters in this story are entirely their own, and are not endorsed or condoned by the Author in any way. This story takes place in a world like ours, where racism is an unfortunate reality, and the demonization and dehumanization of political or economic rivals is one of the central motifs of this work. Be prepared for characters to say and do things which you may find shocking or inflammatory.

_**Chapter 4**_

_ The air smells different here. I can't tell what-a it is, but I can smell it, something-a sweet and-a clean and-a … wrong. My lungs know it isn't the air I'm used to; too much ozone and not enough-a smog. They know it's-a not Brooklyn air, not American air._

_ Not Human air. _

_ Not Earth air._

"Come-on Luigi, hurry the fuck up or we'll have to fucking sleep out here."

_ Mario, where-a the hell did you bring me? _

I turned away from the sun, looking at the path the lay before us. It was a narrow country road, just two ruts where wagon wheels had ground the grass into mud. In some places a stream or irrigation canal had to be bridged, and the locals had made short bridges out of carved sandstone blocks. They were beautiful in a way, the dusty stone reflecting the dim sunlight, scattering colors into the babbling brook forty feet below.

"Oh for fuck's sakes… Look-a Luigi, I know heights aren't your thing okay, but we've really gotta go alright." Mario was standing on the other side of the bridge, tapping his feet on the stone. As he talked he brushed a pebble off the edge, and my eyes involuntarily followed it down.

_OhGodOhGodOhGodOhGod…_

"Besides, remember when we walked across the Brooklyn Bridge? That had to be like, I dunno, twenty times higher up?" He cracked a smile and I had to as well.

_It won't be so bad, I'll just-a step onto it and keep walking-a forwards and then I'll be on-a the other side. Mario walked right over it, so it can hold his weight; besides it's-a sturdy right? I mean, the blocks fit-a together, that's how the Incas used to do it, and the structure should be stable unless it's been more than a few decades. It looks like Collyhurst Sandstone, and oh-my-god-there-aren't-any-handrails!_

_ Okay, okay come on I can do this…_

I closed my eyes and put one foot onto the narrow bridge, shifting my weight to it slowly as if it might give out under me at any moment. It didn't, but now I was on the bridge itself and the only way off was to head forwards.

Or to fall off.

Mario could see me struggling as I hopped from one firm-looking block to another, and I could feel my blood thrumming like I was holding a seashell up to my ear. I wished I could just vanish, disappear and never have to see that look again. But I was still there, and only halfway across.

_Alright, I've gotta think about something else, okay what do I know about-a this place? Well it's-a not Earth, but it's definitely similar. Spherical shape, probably about-a the same oxygen content seeing as I'm not getting altitude sickness… Altitude…I'm-a pretty high up!..._

I closed my eyes and kept walking. It would only be a few seconds now, and I'd be standing with Mario on the other side. The smell in the air was getting stronger, and I could almost feel it in my fingertips as I held my hands out at my sides to steady myself.

_ No, okay, aaaa… The planet's a sphere, but-a the horizon only looks like it's about a mile off. That's-a wrong, even at sea level the horizon's at least three miles. But if-a it was, Jesus, is this-a planet only half-a the size? The force of gravity feels-a the same…Gravity…man I could-a really die from a fall-a like this!_

My thoughts were starting to coalesce. Mushrooms that can talk and walk on two legs, pipes to another world, a sandstone bridge where there shouldn't be a quarry for a hundred miles, a castle straight out of Disneyland, and both of them built without mortar like Machu Picchu. The stone felt solid under me for the first time, as if I were getting lighter as I kept walking.

_ Ooookay, so if-a the gravity is still pulling me down as strongly, and the planet is half the size… Jeez, this-a whole planet must be made of heavy elements! That's-a right, the Sun! I can stare right into the sun! It's-a dim enough I can stare right into it, but it's big enough it takes up half-a the sky…_

I had reached Mario on his side of the bridge, but I wasn't ready to stop yet. I had to keep walking. I had to run, to scream, even though I still didn't know what I knew yet.

_It's burnt orange, so maybe a type M, and there's a lot of-a metal here, so it's gotta be an Extreme Population I star… So it's a Red Dwarf, it's gotta be, but it's big to… It's too close to have day and night; the planet should be tidally locked… But the Sun's dipped 30° in two hours. That's earth's rate of rotation on a planet half as large…_

I stopped dead in my tracks and just stared forwards, even as Mario walked by and gave me a playful jab to the shoulder.

"Come-on, told ya we'd fucking make it. Un-fucking-beatable."

I tried to smile, but I couldn't.

_ This Planet shouldn't exist._

* * *

I was frustrated and so was he. We had been walking for hours, the worn path merging into a cobbled country road, which flowed seamlessly into a brick-lined highway. The patches of fertilized earth and forests near the Pipe had been replaced by an ocean of hedges and fields; carrots in ordered rows rather than tangled trees, confused leering Toads instead of vague rustle in the bushes. We could be inside Toad Town within the hour if we hurried.

And I was trying to get him to turn around.

"Mario, look, it just-a doesn't make sense. You know how, how you got-a air-sick when we went to see Nonna in Barcelona? That was because-a you weren't used to the sun coming up at a certain time, it messed with-a your Circadian Rhythms bro. And that was just like three thousand miles, this is another planet, but we're still getting tired when the sun's coming down!"

I heard him mumble something like "I'm getting tired of something all right."

"And-a they speak English! You ever wonder why a Mushroom would even have vocal cords, nonetheless learn-a modern English? Who-a you think taught them huh? We need-a to think this through!" I could feel the anger rising in my voice. He just wasn't listening.

_He never listens to me._

_Him and Pops never listened to me. _

It was getting dark, the last fading rays of the sun extinguished by the patch of trees we had walked into; not a forest so much as a park.

"Mario, please, we can't just walk-a in there. We need to call someone, call SETI, call-a the UN. What if we screw up Mario, huh, what if these guys have-a some alien disease and we end up bringing it back right into Brooklyn? What if we're killing them, some virus or something, or if a rat comes down the pipe, one invasive species this whole place'll look-a like the Sahara!"

I was pleading now, just trying to make him see reason. "At least let me get-a a proper camera, a compass, a barometer. I've just got my net-book, a cell phone and a backup hard-drive on me bro. We might as well just walk-a in there naked and..."

"LUIGI WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

Mario spun around and balled up his fists as he yelled. I hadn't seen any birds before, but they seemed to be taking off in flocks, making a growing rustling noise like wind howling through the treetops. He took in a short breath of air and he started talking, sounding exactly like someone describing a happy dream just after being shaken awake.

"I don't give a **shit** about tidal locks or cerulean rhythms or viruses or any of that shit. Because I know shit too, just 'cause I didn't go to some fancy fuckin' school, that doesn't mean I'm an idiot. This isn't something I'm gonna let the government or the media or the fucking banks get their fuckin' grubby fingers on. This is **our** world Luigi! It don't belong to them."

He looked at me, and I could see on his face every ass he'd ever kissed, every person who had ever cut him off on the freeway, every night he'd slept alone and afraid in almost thirty years. And I could see myself too; a plumber with a Masters degree growing less employable every year while the kids he'd ran circles around in college had PhDs.

"We could be fucking heroes Luigi. We could be Superheroes, or Knights, or Kings. You and me, we could own this fucking place. We leave now, we got nothing."

We stood there as the foliage shook around us, and I finally made a decision. I hoped to God it was the right one.

_Okay bro. We'll play it your way. I'll follow you to Kafiristan, even if we have to climb a mountain to get there. Even if we're only playing Gods. I'll cross your line in the sand and burn the ships behind us, even if we have to fight an army. Even if we don't speak the language. I'll plant the flag here, even if we can never go home. Even if there is no home. Because this is a prize that's worth fighting for. Worth dying for._

_ I don't know how this planet works yet, but it's not the world that killed pops. _

_ If you're right it's the world he died trying to get to. _

_ This might be the land where you can finally fly, but it can also be the place I vanish off to. _

I wiped the tears my eyes and I saw Mario doing the same thing. It'd gotten quieter; only a muffled rustlings in the bushes. The birds must have returned to nest.

"We'll be-a heroes Mario. Together" I said quietly, holding out my hand, "now let's-a get to the Castle".

Mario nodded as we shook hands, our gloves sweaty but still obstinately white despite everything. He smiled and started to turn around.

"Good. Let's get going, I don't like the look of this pla..."

It was just then that the first spear shot by and I felt blood spray on my overalls.

Mario never finished the sentence.

* * *

Despite my bombast earlier, I must admit that I was much aflutter during that week. Unable to even concentrate during my sport I was forced to simply sit at the window of the High Tower and watch for commotion in the Town. It was dreadfully boring yet I could not avoid it as the only alternatives were to either attend court or to find some other preoccupation. Neither of which was possible under the circumstances.

Of course none would dare suggest that I be removed from my seat in court; unless my Father personally rescinded his decree of primogeniture I am entitled by law to attend to Royal Court, as well as any other function of state. Even such a grave mistake as freeing an alien with potentially deadly knowledge would not be fatal so long as my father survived. However, I could not afford to rely on my father forever.

The men of the Toadstool Dynasty are notoriously quick to age, and prone to premature death both by illness and the sword. Inevitably the day would come when it would be my sacred duty to assume the Crown. And without the support of the Retainers and the Chancellor, that duty would be most difficult to accomplish, and my ascension would lack for legitimacy.

It was then, in a very real sense, a wager of life-or-death proportions and I suppose it should have felt much more exciting than it did, seeing it unfold. Still, as the sixth day since the Plumber Mario was released drew to a close, I did not relish another day of fruitless waiting. I am not a creature accustomed to delays on anyone's account, and I refuse to be made a captive even by my own words.

_It's such a pity he couldn't have arrived sooner. I'm still not quite sure what purpose I could have had for such a creature, but it can be so lonely to be a Human. And there was something else I couldn't put my finger on..._

"Princess, you called for me?" The familiar voice turned my focus away from the scenery and towards the trench-coated Toad knelling at the stair. He was late, but that was for once a forgivable offense.

There are certain privileges to royalty, and Mr. Shroomlock was certainly one of them; a loyal man but also a pragmatist, he had once been a member of my bodyguard but I had long ago discovered he was much better suited for political work. His mind rarely missed a valuable detail, and his work among the criminal element provided access to a world of which a Princess could only ever have a vague understanding.

"Yes, would you be so good as to prepare my things? I'm afraid we need to reschedule the party; it appears the guests will be arriving just at the end of Court tomorrow." I smiled and addressed him warmly, as if speaking to a friend rather than a servant, a favor servants never fail to appreciate. I have never understood impolite people; however can one hope to accomplish anything at all without appreciative servants?

I began to turn my head to send him on his way, but stopped and called after him. Some things cannot be left to chance. "Please ensure **everyone** is accounted for."

"Your will be done." He said curtly, turning to leave. As his footsteps disappeared down the staircase, and I checked that my court attire was still suitable for presentation despite the modifications, my thoughts drifted back to what might have been.

_ If only he had kept to his word, we could have had so much fun. Now it will be ever so tedious until Daisy can return, and I'll have to begin without her after all. This is absolutely not the manner in which my reign ought to begin; I cannot abide violence. _

_ It is just so impolite._


End file.
